I WANT TO HAVE AN AFFAIR

If it were not for me initiating sex it would never happen. I initiate sex 99% of the time while my husband would be happy if it would only happen a few times out of the month. At first, the excuses were that he is just tired. And then it became “I have to get up early in the morning so let’s do it on the weekends”. I’m not feeling well, Not tonight baby I’m just not in the mood, “I’m not going to be able to get up in the morning and I have a meeting first thing” followed. I’m so tired of getting turned down I’m actually considering having an affair. I love my husband beyond anything but I can not accept the fact that I might have to live without intimacy for the rest of my life. We make love whenever it’s convenient for him. And it’s always rushed, maybe about 2 minutes of foreplay and then straight to business. He rows over and watch tv or go to sleep. He never holds me after. Recently he has been having trouble getting an erection and need

I’m so tired of getting turned down I’m actually considering having an affair. I love my husband beyond anything but I can not accept the fact that I might have to live without intimacy for the rest of my life.

Recently, he has been having trouble getting an erection and need a lot of stimulation to make it happen. When before all I had to do was say I wanted to have sex and he was ready. My husband is only in his 30’s. A few months ago, twice, he couldn’t even get an erection when we were about to make love. And one morning before he went to work we were in the middle of a quickie and he went soft. That time I cried. I felt like I wanted to hide under a rock and die there. He has said that he thought it was a medical issue but went to see his doctor and had test ran and nothing showed up.

Dear Ladies, is your story identical to the story above or the reasons below? PLEASE STOP thinking, join us as we REASON TOGETHER.

REASONS WHY I MIGHT THINK ADULTERY IS OK IN MY CASE

  • “My husband is being or was unfaithful to me.”
  • “My husband doesn’t meet my needs.”
  • My husband barely speaks to me anymore
  • My husband is overseas for a year or more
  • I’m not happy
  • I feel lonely
  • I need someone to talk to and touch me
  • Sex is boring with him

THINK ABOUT THIS

  • God holds me to His holy standards regardless of what my husband is or is not doing in our marriage right now. Marriage is not going to be graded collectively. I will be graded individually for what kind of wife, mother and woman I have been. God counts the way I treat my marriage covenant and the way I treat my husband as if I am doing or not doing these things for Him.
  • Many of us are tempted by someone else at one point or another, but affairs rarely fix what they’re intended to fix. If you and your partner have issues in your relationship, the unexciting truth is that it will take work and commitment on both your parts to address them. And while this might sound scary or even just exhausting, it’s the best way to give your relationship the chance to grow and change.
  •  Consider the effect an affair would have on your partner. A lot of the time, the secrecy of the affair can make you feel like you’ll never be discovered. But many affairs are. It’s likely carrying it out would hurt them deeply – as it would you if things were the other way around.The most challenging times in our lives provide the greatest room for growth. The above examples of the cost of an affair can provide an excellent learning ground to reduce judgment and create a wonderful learning opportunity. Despite the ability for an affair to promote self-growth and relationship enhancement, be aware that the costs are high and it’s an emotionally expensive way to learn.
  • Who am I to make a choice that would hurt my spouse whom I still love? How do I feel good about myself? What does commitment mean to me? Can I remain monogamous? Do I need to end my relationship? Do I need an open relationship? What is empty or at void with me that I am filling in ways to go against my commitment? How do I meet my needs in respectful ways?

COUNT THE COST

ADVANTAGES

  • It feels good
  • Sex has never been this great, he knows exactly where to touch me
  • I feel noticed, loved and respected
  • I am happy to be taking my pound of flesh
  • I think this affair will strengthen my marriage
  • I feel desired and beautiful
  • I am young again
  • I look forward to having a reason to wear makeup and designer clothes
  • My bank account is overflowing from monetary gifts

DISADVANTAGES

  • I would be breaking my covenant with God and my husband regardless of what my husband is doing in our marriage right now.
  • overwhelming and crushing guilt.
  • I can never experience God’s peace and joy and His power in my life when I am cherishing any sin in my heart. I will be miserable spiritually and emotionally in any kind of sin.
  • I may destroy my marriage – it may never recover. One day, not long from today, I may decide that my marriage and family are precious and regret doing anything to jeopardize the health, safety and spiritual/emotional/sexual/physical strength of my marriage and our children.
  • My husband will probably find out and may not be able to forgive me.
  • My children will probably find out may not be able to forgive me.
  • My extended family and friends may find out and may not be able to forgive me.
  • I could lose my job if it is someone at work or depending on what I do for a living.
  • I could lose my church family.
  • I could destroy my family, and any godly legacy I desired to have.
  • How will I handle the flashbacks I have that remind me of my sin against God and my husband and family?
  • I will set an ungodly example for my children that will affect them dramatically now and in their own future romantic relationships and marriages. Do I want my children to follow my example into sin?
  • I may become infected with STDs and may pass that along to my husband, possibly even to my children in some cases.
  • I could become pregnant by another man and have to explain for the rest of my life why this child doesn’t resemble my husband. Could my husband really love and act as an impartial father to a child who was the product of an affair? How would I handle that situation? How much pain would that bring to my husband and our extended families?
  • How will I face my brothers and sisters in Christ?
  • How will I face my husband and children and extended family?
  • How will I face myself in the mirror each day?
  • How will I face God – most importantly?
  • What will the impact be on my ability to shine for Jesus and attract people to His gospel?
  • Imagine the damage I could do to the kingdom of Christ.
  • Satan will rejoice!
  • The Word of God will be maligned.
  • The chances of a future marriage being healthy and successful when it started as a sinful affair are EXTREMELY SLIM. The foundation of that relationship can never be secure. It is built on sin and rebellion against God and on breaking a sacred marriage covenant that God intended to be “till death do us part.”
  • How is a man who is willing to commit adultery with me going to be able to lead me or love me any better than my husband is right now? He can’t represent Christ to me or love me with a self-sacrificing love. He’s already proven himself to be ungodly and selfish – and so have I. He and I have already proven that neither of us take the covenant of marriage seriously. What is to keep us from doing the same thing again in the future against each other with someone else?
  • I may help to destroy the other man’s marriage and family, too.
  • I am inviting Satan to destroy my life and to capture me as a slave to sin and to build a high fortress of his strongholds in my soul.
  • My heart will be hardened against God, my husband and my family.
  • If my husband decides to divorce me, the financial cost will be great. Will I even make enough money to support myself and my children? Will I be able to even keep my children?
  • Imagine the pain in my children’s faces when they see their parents separated and find out what I did to contribute to the destruction and devastation in our family.
  • ADULTERY IS SIN

Please if you are in this situation,

  • turn to God, he only can change things around.
  • Seek professional counseling
  • Change jobs if the problem lies there
  • Evaluate the friends you keep and press the delete button
  • Remember, the grass is not greener on the other side. My people say, the devil you know is better than the angel you don’t know
  • Revive your marriage, open the doors to communication, strive to bring in sweetness, create the relationship of your dreams.
  • We are prone to temptation, guard yourself of all possible situations that could bring your guard down
  • Everyone has faults, including the man of your fantasy. He is not a god and as such your happiness cannot be guaranteed.

My hugs should be reaching you now, thank you for thinking positively and avoiding a mistake.

Love you

 

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11 thoughts on “I WANT TO HAVE AN AFFAIR

  1. I was in a situation similar to this one year ago. Am happy I am thinking straight now. It all started like a dream, and the rest was history. Needless to say, they were the best 6 months of my life since I got married. Unluckily for me, my husband found out, I lost my marriage and custody of my children. the aftermath was more drastic. I would advise us ladies to beware.

    When I look back at those months, I realise they were my worst

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    1. It is good you know better now. Just remember God in all your dealings and only him can make your husband forgive you. All is not lost as long as you have asked for forgiveness and truly repented

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  2. Thank you for this post. It is so common, on both sides. My husband demonstrated mid to low libido during much of our marriage and then we finally went through an extended dry period (nearly 2 years). As a Christian woman, I never seriously considered an affair, and was “pressing in to God” yet feeling very unworthy, unloved. Then I resigned myself and decided God was my sufficiency, and HUSBAND was who he was, and we had a good life in many ways. But the one thing I did not do was press into my partner, try to understand his needs (I thought I knew – after all we’d been married 27 years), or get good, consistent counseling. We went to church, talked regularly, prayed (sort of), read the Bible…but our emotional connection reflected in our physical connection continued to wane. Then I found out he was having an affair. This led to three months of slow-trickling-truth in which he admitted to three affairs during our marriage, and consistent use of porn/masturbation to get sexual satisfaction. Obviously it was a devastating time…I considered divorce…cried out to the God I felt had abandoned me…but step-by-step, we have healed. The mid-low libido was never who my husband was, only the mask that was covering the shame of behaviors he was engaging in secretly. Now, through our massive work and journey, we have an amazing sex life along with emotional connection and safety as a couple. I encourage any woman who is feeling disconnected from her husband emotionally, spiritually, physically to get great help and press IN TO THE MARRIAGE. Blessings to you for writing this post!!! HUGS.

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    1. Your story made me very emotional. I am happy it turned out perfect. I have learnt that decisions which are taken in times of crisis actually speaks a lot about our personality and resolutions in life.

      Big hugs, It is amazing that the connection is being restored.

      Liked by 1 person

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