ANGRY PERSONALITY

Why are you always angry?

Why does the emotions bubble inside of you like a volcano?

Why are the people around you always sad?

WHY? WHY? WHY?

A major goal in life is to maintain a healthy personality for our spouses and our children.  Happy and fulfilling relationships are dependent upon each spouse engaging in the hard work of honestly facing character weaknesses and then growing in virtues to overcome them.  These weaknesses can be so strong, such as selfishness, excessive anger, controlling behaviors, insecurity and difficulty in trusting others. Grace is also necessary in order to master them.

Anger disorders result primarily from the long-term mismanagement of anger, a process in which normal, existential anger grows insidiously over time into resentment, bitterness, hatred and destructive rage. Anger disorders may also be caused or exacerbated by neurological impairment and substance abuse, both of which can inhibit one’s ability to resist aggressive, angry or violent impulses.

But, for the most part, anger disorders cannot be blamed on bad neurology, genes or biochemistry. They arise from a failure to recognize and consciously address anger as it arises, before it becomes pathological and dangerous, starting in childhood. Who is to blame for this failure?

We are.

To the extent our society condemns the effect of anger as negative, worthless or evil, ignoring and denying its positive potentialities, we are partly responsible for the subsequent carnage. To the extent mental health professionals continue to avoid confronting anger head on in our patients, choosing instead to try to drug, behaviorally modify or cognitively rationalize anger.

We need courage here, not only to work on our own weaknesses but also to ask spouses do so for the good of our marriages and our children.

POSITIVE STEPS

  • First, we must acknowledge that some anger is a valid, necessary, appropriate and unavoidable human emotion. It is not a question of whether we experience anger as much as how we deal with it. While it is true that our habitually held irrational or unrealistic beliefs and expectations about life can cause us to feel unnecessarily frustrated and angry at times.
  • The underlying anger must be consciously acknowledged, accepted, understood and it’s dynamic energy redirected into some positive or creative activity.
  • Self-control is very important. Practice it everyday. I usually tell people the best way to treat your anger is not to run away from provocation, but manage yourself when provoked.
  • Forgive yourself, see the world as a journey and not a do or die affair, this makes you release all built in grievances about your social status.
  • Always remember, no one has the key to your life except you. Unlock your potentials by carefully releasing yourself from all shackles of ANGER.

 

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